Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
