I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
