So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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