how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize