So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
