worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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