My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
