i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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