Can Purell be used as lube?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
