I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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