Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it glows. i had to have it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I will pee on everything he values.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
