Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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