White coat. Heels.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
