i think i have two assholes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
