We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
