woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
