I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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