Please, let me fuck your mom
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
