Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
