Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
