i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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