Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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