You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize