And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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