In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I cannot find my penis.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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