So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
