I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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