Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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