You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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