making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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