I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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