I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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