i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Two words: blizzard sex
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
