I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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