I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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