The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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