I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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