you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
