where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize