I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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