I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
