shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
