I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
