He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
