I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
