rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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