My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
