apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
