you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
