I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize