even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
