About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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