Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
