I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
