I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
