it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
