I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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