The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize