She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
