I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
