when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
