I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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