If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
