My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So much rum. So many feels.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
