His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
