Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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