I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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