the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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