Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
