i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
