I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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