I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
