This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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