you guys were way drunker than both of me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
