In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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