I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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