the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
