also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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