He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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