you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
