does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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