Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
