he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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