he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
