I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
