You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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